I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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