i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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