pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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