she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
