I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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