Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize