When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
