He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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