why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
