between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
