he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
