This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
