I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
