I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
