At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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