no, he came in my armpit
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
