I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
