hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
