Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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