Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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