I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
