i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
