Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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