I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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