I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
