toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
