sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
