you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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