gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
