all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize