We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
