Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
