i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
