I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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