I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
