I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize