If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
