I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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