not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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