You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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