3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
