ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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