You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
