he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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