Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
