You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
