well you can't waste a boner
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize