I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
