You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You made out with two different species that night
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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