I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
