1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
