I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
