she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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