My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
