Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
