Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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