He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize