he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
