Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
