if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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