Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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