I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
