he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
