If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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