Betty ford says i'm here all night
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
