I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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