If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
