It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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