dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Can I color on your dick again?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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