Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
