i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
