I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
