New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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