This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
