I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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