Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
