Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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