"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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