my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
