it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
