so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
