i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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