i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
