is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
