im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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