Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Congratulations! We have a period
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
